You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
