I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
