why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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