Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
