i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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