Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
