So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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