you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
