That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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