So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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