true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
