what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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