I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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