I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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