Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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