I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
