I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
