my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
