im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
