i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
