we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
