4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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