i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we made out on top of his cat.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
