You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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