How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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