Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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