Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
