dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
