Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Green mimosas i think yes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
