Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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