You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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