I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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