omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
