if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
