i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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