My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
