last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
