How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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