i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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