Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
