your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the day after is always just damage control
my shit smells like andre
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is my gift to your gina
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
