and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
