I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
