Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
