there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
