Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
