just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
