On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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