and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
