If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
